Write Your Story

I went to my friend’s Grandmother’s funeral years ago, and the legacy she left for her family changed my life. Her children and grandchildren stood on the stage of this big church in Abbotsford, which was filled with her loved ones and admirers, and they shared stories from large binders- stories that she had written and journaled throughout her life. Binderssssss- what a treasure this family had now, to be able to read their mother and grandmother’s writings- in her own words, in her own handwriting, from her perspective.

I went home that day, as an engaged woman, and decided I would do the same thing for my future family. I remember going out to Chapters to find the perfect journal, knowing it would eventually be filled and I would need a new one like it one day. I found a large black leather-bound journal, brought it home and decided when I would begin.

I brought this journal of mine to the hotel I stayed at with my family on the night before I got married. The first thing I did on the morning of our wedding day, was write my first journal ‘entry’… I could feel it was the beginning of something so special to me.

I wrote on our honeymoon, and on our homecoming as a newly married couple. I wrote through some challenging seasons at church, and I wrote through family struggles. I wrote about when Koby said ‘let’s start a family’.

I remember pulling courage from deep inside my heart, to write after our first miscarriage. I had previously written that we were ‘trying’… little did I know what the next entry would be. Devastating- I remember crying on the pages.

I wrote about my pregnancy with Jacob- all the exciting parts… finding out we were pregnant, what his first kicks felt like, and when we found out he was a boy.

I wrote about his birth story, and brought the journal to the hospital with me too.

I wrote about being a new mom, and the challenges that came with it- marriage, church-life, etc.

I wrote about June, being pregnant with a 4 month old (!!!), and the expectation I had for my baby girl. I wrote again at the hospital, just after she was born.

I wrote about Jed- how we tried for a few months to get pregnant with him and decided not to find out his sex until after he was born. I wrote from the hospital, in the snow storm on the day he was born.

I wrote about moving houses, and moments when I felt God speak to me. I wrote about big moments for Koby and for me too.

I brought this journal with me to the hospital when I knew I would be giving birth to Joseph too (you can read his story here). I wrote through tears again.

And I wrote through Judah’s traumatic pregnancy. I wrote out the scriptures we were (are!) standing on. I wrote about the hope and the heartache.

Here I am again today, writing in this most treasured item in my home. It would be the one thing that would devastate me to loose- I know my kids will look back on my blog too (since it has caused me to slow a bit with my journaling!) and I pray they are so glad to hear the story as it happened. I even write and tell them what they’re wearing as I write, what’s happening in the world, and what it’s like living in these days we’re living in.

Today I am writing out my prayer for them as we enter into 2018- what I hope and pray for each of them as individuals. Some things are easy to write out, and some take huge amounts of faith for me to even put on paper.

I pray that these words I have penned would be a gift to them for years to come. That they would read these stories with fondness, and that they would feel it so deep in their heart- how much I love them and how much they are adored.

I encourage you mamas… do something to pass on your story to your kids. Every family has a story to be told, and the pain and the good is all apart of it. When they are old enough and wise enough, they can read about the days where their memories may be faint.

Maybe you need to start by writing a letter to your kids on their birthdays. Maybe you need to start journaling too. But whatever you do, know that what you are experiencing, is their story too. It’s a treasure for sure.

XO


Mama Did You Know?

Judah got the best present for Christmas this year- just weeks ago, we were able to pick up this ‘Standing Frame/Stander’ which was custom ordered for him, thanks to the fine folks at Variety, and we are all loving it!  This adapted positioning ‘device’, will help Judah to bear weight on his feet and legs, to properly develop the muscles and ligaments in his hips, to set him up for success to stand on his own and to (hopefully) walk one day too.

 

At this point in Judah’s development, he LOVES to stand, and thankfully we haven’t had any hips issues though he is at high risk for that, simply because he spends a lot of time sitting or laying and hasn’t moved like a normal 14-month old would (keep in mind we are nearing his 18 month actual birthday, but it’s just 14 months since his due date).  When he was fitted for this frame, the rep from the company who builds them, along with our Physiotherapist (who might be one of our favourites️), both said they have never seen a kid tolerate a Standing Frame so well- so we celebrate that as a win, cause Judah DOES love it!

 

He can handle up to 30-45 minutes at a time before his neck and body just get a bit tired. He loves being at eye-level with his siblings, and playing with toys on the tray.

All that has taken place this month (if you haven’t read about his hearing improvement, you can click here!), obviously got me thinking back to what we were experiencing LAST Christmas. Judah was in the hospital, and we had JUST started talking about his homecoming, since up until then, we weren’t sure when (or if) that would happen.

I remember longing for him to be home, especially at Christmas, however at the same time feeling a bit freaked out with what the future would hold.  I still feel the same way a bit, however the process of my faith is a bit clearer to me.

This season, it has made me think time and time again, of that song ‘Mary did you know’. As I read through the Christmas story in Luke 2, I feel as though I can somewhat relate to Mary- as if God is saying to me…. ‘Jenna did YOU know?’…

Did you know, that your baby boy would be Standing one day?

Did you know, that your baby boy, would be able to take a bottle- and love it?

Jenna did you know, that all those tears and prayers and fears and anxious feelings, would be overshadowed by hope and so much joy?

Mama did you know, that what you believed for could actually come to pass?

Mama did you know, that your baby boy would give hope to so many around the world?

My response? I could only dream of what is taking place today. These things seemed so far off, but oh how quickly a year passes!

I feel that we are living in the ‘exceedingly, abundantly above what we could think or ask’ (Ephesians 3:20). That is just how God works, isn’t it?

We are off to enjoy these next few days as deeply as we can- because our baby boy is home with us this Christmas, and who knows what next year will bring, but I sure am excited for it.

I am praying that you- yes you reading these words- would experience this Christmas with eyes to see the things you have prayed and hoped and believed for long ago. Whatever it is that you need to see that God has done for you, whatever moment you need to revel in the joy of, I pray that you experience it all. Merry Christmas friends- thank you again for your prayers and for following along this wild ride!!!

As you can well see, dude loves this contraption!

XOXO


Glory To…

I need to remind myself of these lyrics over and over again these days…

Hail the heav’n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris’n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
“Glory to the newborn King!”

 

I find it so interesting how even amidst the season that is supposed to be the happiest, most joy-filled time of the year, and even when things seem to be going in the right direction in so many ways, that there is still such a pull to fear and grief.

We have had such breakthrough with Judah these last few weeks- his hearing improving (which you can read about here!), his development coming along especially now that we have received his ‘Standing Frame’ (which I promise to blog about soon!), and the fact that he is taking real food through his Gtube at night- it’s all big steps forward and we are very glad.

At the very same time, Judah has reached the stage where his ‘baby-ness’ can’t really hide his disability anymore… not that we were ever trying to hide it! It’s just a journey friends- I still haven’t quite figured out my ‘go-to’ phrase when people ask how old he is and then seem perplexed by his size and obvious developmental delays when I tell them. This is part of the journey.

I think it’s a hard thing to swallow as a parent- ‘my child has disabilities’. It’s a new path for us that we are still figuring out. Our kids have even begun to point out people in public and say ‘look mom! That guy is like Judah!’ to a man in a wheelchair. The way they say it with their child-like faith and how there is no judgment is really beautiful, and a constant reminder to me that yep, Judah isn’t really ‘normal’, but that’s ok!

I’m learning to trust God for not only the big things- like how we fought so hard for Judah’s LIFE- but also for the seemingly small things still. For my son to stand on his own. For my son to eat real food without gagging and throwing up. For my son to gain weight. For my son to walk. For my son to talk.

Ok those are big things too. But when I was singing this Christmas carol at the beginning of the season, that line- ‘Ris’n with healing in His wings’– stuck out so much in my heart and I didn’t realize why until writing this out. One of our dear friends who had been a constant source of encouragement through prayer for us these last few years, had given us this scripture back when Judah came home from the hospital:

“But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture.” Malachi 4:2 NLT

 

What a picture- leaping calves? HA! I love it. It just goes to show how there is such freedom in trusting in God. He rises FOR us, with everything that we need, for every moment. His ‘wings’ are a picture of His covering over us, as a constant shelter and provision in every season.

Even if fear and grief are still trying to rear their ugly heads amidst a time of joy and breakthrough, I’m choosing to see the joy and freedom amidst these imperfections and what I had never imagined for our family. And trust me, I see the good a whole lot.

Because even though I had never imagined being a ‘family with special needs’ or having a tube-fed toddler, I also never imagined getting to be a mom to a miracle.

I’m letting all that God has done and provided for us, overshadow the fear of the future or the pain of today, and friends I am praying the same for you this Christmas season.

Merry (9-more-sleeps-till) Christmas XO


‘A Thrill Of Hope’

I am a music lover, and a singer, and a lover of lyrics. When I can connect with a song’s lyrics, I want to keep singing it for weeks on end, and usually those lyrics get deep inside my heart.

So of COURSE, I adore Christmas time for these reasons! I get to sing Christmas Carols for weeks on end (without people thinking I’m a crazy person while grocery shopping!). I remember growing up in my large crazy Catholic family, that Christmas Eve was always the time to break out the Christmas Carols- my aunt had these old lyric sheets that she would hand out to everyone, and we’d sit together and sing. It was magical to me.

This Christmas season feels like the most special Christmas ever. Its Judah’s first Christmas at home, and our other kids are at the funnest ages to experience everything that the season has to offer. I am writing a few pieces this month on the blog, that come out of some of my favourite Christmas Carol lyrics… so here is #1 🙂

There are a few things that I pray would always be at the forefront of our Christmas experience as a family, and one of them is HOPE.

God sent His only Son, Jesus, as a baby… the ‘First Noël’… a baby was born. He happened to be the Saviour of the world, who is Hope PERSONIFIED.

I also think babies in and of themselves, represent so much hope. New life. New beginnings, new discoveries. SO much potential.

I remember when I miscarried my 1st baby, early on in the pregnancy, I still felt so much hope ahead of me.

When Jacob, June and Jed were born, I felt that same hope. They were fresh and new- waiting to be discovered.

Then we lost Joseph- you can read his story here– just 2 weeks before Christmas, and yes, I STILL felt hope. God was so near to my broken heart. He carried us through that season so wonderfully.

And then Judah. Ohhh Judah. You all know the story- there was SO MANY opportunities for me to loose hope, to give up on it, to leave it behind.

But I CLUNG to hope with all that I had. Hope that he would live. Hope that he would be able to eat. Hope that he would be able to smile at me one day.

‘A THRILL OF HOPE, the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn…’

The word ‘THRILL’ is described as ‘a SUDDEN feeling of excitement or pleasure’. Just as Jesus entered the world in a THRILL OF HOPE, we have experienced this ‘thrill’, time and time again with Judah. He ‘suddenly’ doesn’t need eye surgery to see. His brain bleeds have ‘suddenly’ resolved. He can ‘suddenly’ hear.

Here’s the crazy thing about a thrill though, as Lysa Terkeurst writes in her book The Best Yes, ‘every thrill has an element of risk’. Even a ‘thrill of hope’. It takes a risk to hope.

With every breakthrough we have experienced not just with Judah but within life in general, it could have been so easy for us to pass by these moments, and not realized the moments of hope, that give birth to MORE HOPE. Sure it was a risk to HOPE for this little 25 weeker to even just LIVE. But we chose to hope, which gave way to hoping for so many other things.

I pray you feel encouraged to HOPE this Christmas season. And that you place your hope not in people or in things or in situations, but that you place your hope in the One who created hope. His word says that ‘Hope does not disappoint’ (Romans 5:5). Because even if and when things may not go according to OUR plan, hoping in Him still works it all out.

I pray we go through this Christmas season (and LIFE as a whole!) noticing every time there is a THRILL OF HOPE. Cause they are there… daily… we just need to open our eyes to see them.

Happy 1st day of December friends!

XO

 


Ears To Hear

I remember the day SO well.

Judah was having his first follow up appointment after being discharged, with the ‘Neonatal Follow Up Program’ at BC Children’s Hospital- the team that will follow up with him until he is 19, simply because he was a micro-preemie (born before 26 weeks).

At this appointment, I knew he was going to be seen by a gamut of Dr’s and specialists and therapists- one being the Audiology clinic (some of the best specialists in our country). Judah had his first ABR Test (Auditory Brainstem Response), and since he made a lot of noise while sleeping (#chroniclungsnoring), and this test is conducted while sleeping, the results were inconclusive. I thought nothing of it… ‘of course my baby can hear!’ was what went through my head. I remember times in the early days where our team would comment on Judah’s numbers being their best when I would sit beside him and sing. So these hearing tests to me, were a waste of time.

To make a long story short, after 3 ABR’s, the Audiologist called Koby in, and told us that she felt after these 3 tests, that she had enough data for a diagnosis- I will never forget when she turned to us and said ‘Judah has severe hearing loss… in both ears’. She went on to tell us that he had Auditory Neuropathy Spectrum Disorder (ANSD), which was a result from a certain ototoxic medication he needed in the early days, and that some kids with ANSD can never hear/hearing aids don’t work/etc etc etc.

My gut… my heart… it was the same feeling I had when the Dr told me that my water broke and there was no fluid around this baby. This same baby.

I was devastated, to say the least, but I held it together while in the clinic. The moment we got out to the elevator, I completely broke down. Like… broke down. Weeping. I actually shocked myself- we had fought, for MONTHS, for his very LIFE, so how could something as ‘simple’ as him not hearing have affected me so bad?

It took me about a week of discovery and conversations and grief and realizations (I actually had a ‘oh my’ moment when I thought ‘if he can’t hear, he won’t talk’.) It was a heartbreaking week… but God…

I remember I felt lifted after awhile- almost excited- to dive into this new world of hearing loss, and to discover all that was available to us, all the while still believing, still clinging to the hope that my boy WILL hear, one day, somehow.

It has been about 8 months since discovering Judah’s hearing loss. We are full-blast into weekly ASL courses (American Sign Language), and our instructor is so proud of us for learning so quickly. We also work with a Speech and Language Pathologist- she helps us with communication tools that will help Judah. The Deaf community is huge- and super supportive. We have been welcomed with very open arms.

This whole time, we have been having periodic Behavioural Hearing Tests for Judah- where he sits with me in a soundproof booth, and the Audiologists test him to see his response to certain sounds and volumes.

These tests have been the MOST frustrating for me… after about 4 or 5 of them, the results were consantly ‘inconclusive’. The other frustrating thing with these tests is that the child being tested needs to be able to lift their head well and turn it from side to side- Judah hasn’t really been able to do that due to his developmental delays, since recently.

SO YESTERDAY, was our first time back in about 3 months and all I was praying for was for RESULTS.

To explain this a bit further… we have always been hopeful that hearing aids would be an option for Judah, but knew that there was a very big possibility that hi hearing loss was too severe for even the amplification of hearing aids. AND… Cochlear Implants are not a solve-all thing for people with hearing loss. They are ‘simply’ a device that is placed under the skin, that stimulates the Cochlear nerve- also a hearing aid. And its a big surgery too- so the Cochlear Implant Team at Children’s won’t even see you unless you’ve had hearing aids for 6 months. And then you STILL have many tests to complete before ‘qualifying’ for them.

The test yesterday went SO WELL– we have been noticing at home how Judah seems to be turning his head to loud sounds, startling, etc… something you never think you’ll need to monitor on your child! So the girls testing him were BLOWN AWAY at how much he has grown up 🙂 And could definitely get some RESULTS- HALLELUJAH!

When the Audiologist came in to speak with me at the end, she said his hearing loss seemed more at the ‘moderate-to-severe’ level… IMPROVEMENT! Basically, Judah CAN HEAR really loud tones. #WINNING. She then proceeded to tell me that at our next appointment, we would fit him for his ear molds, and set some hearing aids and start the trial on them…. I felt like I won the FREAKING LOTTERY.

So yes… I’m so excited that Judah will even get this opportunity to TRY hearing aids! Its huge. But we also are no where near the end of this part of our journey.

We will continue to pray that Judah WILL HEAR– that he will have great success with his hearing aids (and not try to pull them off!!!), and we will continue with all our therapies too.

We just want to say a HUGE thanks to you- this community that has supported us from the get-go, that continues to pray for the big and little things for our boy and for us. It means the WORLD to us to have so many praying and believing with us!

Miracles happen friends…

XO


Seasons Change

‘Blessed are those whose strength is in You… They go from strength to strength’  Psalm 84:5-7

The last 15 months have been eventful for our family! To say that ‘we never thought we would be here’ would be a huge understatement.

Before last July we felt STRONG… God was doing great things in our Church, and frankly, we felt honoured to be used by Him in ways we never imagined we would be!

Then Judah was born – It was surreal. We’ve never experienced so much joy and so much pain all in the same moment. The Joy of having a new son, the pain of seeing him sick. We didn’t know if he was going to go home to heaven, or come home to be with us.

The journey was slow, MUCH SLOWER than expected… but by Gods grace, we’ve moved through that season and are discovering a new normal, on the other side.

During the storm, God never stopped speaking. However, His direction came at about the same speed as Judah’s recovery – slow but steady.

At first, we thought we might move closer to my family in Winnipeg and were praying about starting a new Church. After spending some time there this past summer, it didn’t feel right in our spirits and we knew God had something different.

Now, by Gods grace, we’ve discovered that original ‘tug’ to start something was rooted in a desire to build Church from the ground up… but that didn’t mean WE had to be the pastors!

So the news is:  For the next season, we’ve made a prayerful decision to partner, as volunteers, with Justin and Jennifer Reimer as they build VIVID CHURCH. We’re so grateful to have the opportunity to help build Church from the ground up in the great city of Vancouver.

That being said: We can’t express enough gratitude to our incredible Relate Church family. You believed in us when no one did. You watched us practice, fail, and get back up again so many times. You supported us in ways, especially when Judah came along, that we can never repay, or say ‘thank you’ enough for. You will always be a massive part of our story.

Looking back, it all started when I found ‘home’ there… Koby and I met there, we got married there. I GREW UP there- from a single, 20-year-old, to a grown up (hopefully HA!) 34-year-old. I made life-long friendships there, that grew into family. I met Jesus there- time and time again, in deep ways that my heart will never forget. I gave my whole life there- to this place and these people. I poured my heart into everything there. I found my true-self within those walls, and within the people of Relate. I found my passions and discovered what made my heart break. I learnt that my talent wasn’t just to be spent on myself. I found out so much about the heart of God.

So to the fabulous people that make Relate Church all that it is- I love you with all of my heart and am SO thankful for each and every one of you. I pray God’s abundant, richest blessings over your lives. May you increase in the knowledge of Him, in your love for His House, and the total utter joy that He brings. I will always be cheering you all on. Thank you for accepting us and loving us and allowing us to be us- always.

Pastors John + Helen… Words can’t describe what you’ve meant to us. As we grow and mature, we understand more and more the sacrifice you made so that we could discover our purpose + have a place to call home. We’ll never stop looking way up to you! Saying ‘thank you’ doesn’t quite cut it.

The life of a believer is a journey from STRENGTH to STRENGTH, so we pray that this is what people remember when they think of this part of our journey. ‘They went from strength, to strength’. So here we go!

All our love,

Koby, Jenna, Jacob, June, Jed & Judah

A few photos of our days at Relate … Yes, I wore some crazy things 😉 There is more hilarity over on Koby’s Instagram


#FAITHFRIDAYS – Throwing Mountains

My kids got in the car the other day after school, and were humming this familiar tune, and it reminded me of this whole album that I used to sing to Judah when he was so sick.

So naturally I turned it on, and turned it on loudly. It was just what I needed, as this week has felt a bit heavy to me, and until that moment, I couldn’t quite figure out why.

This looming diagnosis for Judah has been taking a toll on me. On my heart, on my mind… all the fears and unknowns, and comments from kind-hearted people who mean well.

We don’t know if Judah has Cerebral Palsy, but it has been heavily suggested by several Dr’s that know Judah well. And to be totally honest, it breaks my heart. But we still have to wait. And in the waiting, I can feel my heart healing, and my spirit being taught something so deep.

Here’s the thing that this moment of silly worship in my van with my elementary-school-aged kids (cause God can use ANYBODY) taught me…

I believed God for a healthy pregnancy. I believed God for a full-term baby. I believed God for so much that DIDN’T happen. And that hasn’t made me doubt Him one bit.

Why?

Cause His plans have been, and always were better than mine.

I’m NOT saying at all or by any way that God ’caused’ Judah to come early, but what I am saying is that He works ALL THINGS together for the GOOD of those who love Him (Romans 8). And that I wouldn’t trade any of these last 2 years for anything. ANYTHING.

So yes, in the same way that I believed with all my might, and prayed and trusted God for all those things with Judah- its the same way I’m applying my faith to this diagnosis that is to come… whatever it may or may not be. I believe God can and will heal Judah’s brain. I’ve seen Him do COUNTLESS miracles, so I know He can do it again. I also know He is powerful enough to heal 2 brain bleeds in a MOMENT.

But I also know THIS- God can work in and through anybody, with any diagnosis or disability or prognosis.

I know that God is the GIVER of every GOOD and PERFECT gift, and that if we seek to see with heavenly eyes, that we will see a gift in everything.

As we continued listening to that album, I remembered this song which was one of my favourites. One of the verses says this…

‘Far be it from me to not believe, even when my eyes can’t see…

And this mountain that’s in front of me, can be thrown into the midst of the sea.’

I admit, I have been looking at the results of Judah’s brain bleeds as a huge mountain in front of me. It’s overwhelming to say the least. I can’t see over it sometimes. But I’ve come to realize that this mountain? Its not always the diagnosis, but rather the way I have been seeing the diagnosis, and the fears that come from the unknown.

I have to remind myself that fear is ‘false-evidence-appearing-real’. Its NOT reality.

Sometimes the mountain that’s in front of us, isn’t the diagnosis itself, but rather our perspective of it.

We take this life with Judah day by day. And we come to know more and more people each day living with this or that diagnosis, who give us SO MUCH HOPE.

And we continue to pray. Always, And trust and lean on God. And thank HIM for the moments where the burdens get put onto Him and He makes life all the lighter for us.

So in case you are wondering, the details of Judah’s development are an ever-evolving picture. Right now he is showing pretty clear signs of CP, which I have also come to learn is a very wide-range condition. As always, we will keep you posted as we wait for Judah to be seen by the CP Clinic at Children’s Hospital. For now, we continue with therapies of all kinds, and lots and lots and lots of snuggles. This kid blows our minds, and grows our hearts DAILY.

It is well with us. It is ALWAYS well.

XO

PHOTOGRAPHY BY Steph Schulz


The Back-To-School Prayer

Here we are- already into the week where school starts for the year here in BC, and I can’t help but want to speak these words, and pray this prayer over my babies as they head off into another year! Here is my heart 🙂

PHOTO FROM LAST YEAR- where has the time gone??!!!

God I thank you for Jacob and June. I thank you that you have graced them for everything they are walking through right now, and everything they will walk through this school year.

I thank you God that as Jacob and June begin this school year, that you are ahead of every step that they take. Thank you that you are for them, you are before them, and you are right beside them every day.

I pray for good friends and life-long connections. I pray that they would be a light to their friends, their teachers, and everyone who encounters them. I thank you they will be a friend to the friendless, and that they will recognize the need in others.

I pray for them to have the courage to make wise decisions, and that they would face a challenge head on with their confidence in you.

I pray that you would surround them- that they would learn so much more about who you are, and how good you are. Holy Spirit I thank you that you help them, and comfort them. I pray that they would find joy in learning and that their minds would expand for the things you have created, and that their hearts would expand for the people you have created.

I pray that they would know your grace, receive it, and give it away like candy.

I pray they would see your people, and situations that arise in their every day, through your eyes. I thank you that you bless them, and make your face shine upon them.

I pray for good days, great fun, and new friendships forged.

In Jesus’ name…

 

XO


#FaithFridays – A Full Heart In An Empty Season

When we started our family, we never thought that we would have a kid who would be needing ‘equipment’.

No, I’m not talking about your usual stroller and high chair, I’m talking custom-fitted bath chairs, ‘standers’ and a walker.

I was pumped to find out this week that Judah will begin being fitted for these items, but I also found out that some parents find it hard to accept that their children need specialized equipment to perform simple developmental ideals like STANDING… understandably so. Our Occupational Therapist was so gracious in how she gently broke the news to us, that she thinks Judah would benefit from these items, and I was like ‘heck ya!’. But when I noticed her hesitation, I had to ask why.

When you’re climbing mountains, and it’s hard to see the top, sometime it helps to look back down at the pit of the valley that you came from. It’s the push you need to get your eyes back on the path to the top- no matter what your ‘top’ might look like!

So after thinking about it for a day, I realized why I wasn’t upset but rather stoked for my kid to be strapped into some crazy contraptions. HA!

I’ve gotten into the habit of looking back!

Seeing how far we’ve come is good for my soul. I’ve gotten into the habit of remembering the scriptures we have stood on time and time again, because they are still so applicable to today’s battles. So when we are hit with the next thing Judah needs or the next thing that feels like a bomb in our lives, it has become my default to look back and remember these things. Remember, remember, REMEMBER! Joshua 1:8 encourages us to ‘meditate on it (God’s word) day and night…’!!!

So even in a season that can seem a bit ’empty’ in a way, I can have a full heart…

Empty in the sense that I have zerooooo ‘gas left in the tank’ at the end of each day- #4kids.

Empty in the sense that I have every excuse in the book to live in worry- JUDAH, what will our next ‘job’ be (I will write more on this when I can!), etc.

But FULL AT THE SAME TIME because I am so thankful. Full because God loves me and has proven his faithfulness time and time again. Full because God’s plans for me are GOOD… full because He gives me a peace that surpasses understanding!

When we have a thankful heart, we have a full heart, which equips us in these ’empty’ seasons.

So all of this new equipment for Judah (which is slowly taking over my home!!!), including a wide array of POOL NOODLES (all you PT’s know what I mean!), they may point to the fact that my kid has ‘special needs’, and that life is in no way, shape, or form ‘normal’, but goodness me I am so thankful for these needs.

My kid who needs a stander, has LIFE, and HOPE that he will walk one day.

My kid that needs a special seat for the bath, GETS TO have baths.

Our home that is flooded with equipment and beeping things and toys that stimulate, is also flooded with love and joy- SO MUCH JOY.

So ya, my heart is full, my tank is empty most days, and that’s a really good thing.


Photo Credits: Phone CaseBible in NLTThrow

XO